Ups on the Battlefield That Accidentally Won the War

Life is full of happy little accidents, mistakes that wind up working out in the end. They’re the best part of, say, painting a picture or baking a pie. But where you don’t find happy accidents is on the battlefield, where brilliant commanders will use the slightest misstep against you. In war, you do it right, or you die.

That’s what you’d think, anyway. In need of a quick victory to reinvigorate the campaign, operational planners closed their eyes, took out a map and (we can only assume) played pin the tail on the Falklands to decide where to attack.

We attack here, at “Cow Pasture City.”

The selected town was called Goose Green. To prepare, 690 Royal Marines stealthily broke off from the main contingent and moved down to set up the attack. It was all ready to go for May 28, but then .the BBC announced the upcoming attack on their worldwide news, and yes, you guessed it, the Argentinians were watching.

“Look, we’re on the news! Oh . crap .”

The British commander of the Royal Marines in the upcoming battle was furious, threatening to sue the BBC for ruining their plan of attack and spoiling their element of surprise.

The Argentinian commanders saw the broadcast and concluded that no attack would ever come, under the assumption that only total arrogant idiots would announce their plans via worldwide news service. The British, however,canada goose parka  continued with their plans anyway. Did they know the Argentinians had let their guard down? Or did they just decide that if they had already gone through all this trouble, they might as well follow through?

We didn’t drag this flag all the way here for nothing . Normally an easy task for anyone to accomplish, this time there were a few key differences. One, this was in the middle of World War II, so France was being occupied by the Nazis. And two, he did it without bothering to tell anyone on his side.

Mountbatten can be seen here with his medal for the smuggest looking face ever.

He literally launched an invasion and didn’t bother to let his superiors or just about any of the Allied command know what he was about to do. He ordered thousands of Canadian, British and American troops to capture the French coastal town of Dieppe and create a beachhead. What could honestly go wrong with this?

Since Mountbatten didn’t bother to tell anyone about his plans, the force was sent in lacking many things a normal invasion force would have, such as proper resources, intelligence and also the backing of the British Home Command. Generally speaking, half assed attacks without any support never really end well, and the Dieppe Raid was no exception.

“OK, here’s the plan, run up that beach and shoot. That’s it, really.”

To start things off, Mountbatten’s “plan” relied heavily on surprise, of which the British had none since SPOILER ALERT: the Germans knew they were coming.

From the moment the troops hit the beaches, the whole operation was screwed. Mountbatten had set his “plans” up like dominoes; if one thing went wrong, everything else failed. Sure enough, mere minutes after leaving for the beaches, boats began to get disoriented in the early morning darkness. When the Allied troops hit the beaches, all hell broke loose.

“Stop hogging all the kills, Hans.”

They suffered a mind blowing 73 percent loss rate.canada goose parka   A whopping 100 percent of the equipment (tanks, jeeps, etc.) that landed on the beach was lost. After several hours of fighting, what was left of the Allied troops ran back for the boats in the most unorganized retreat imaginable, leaving the Nazis with a huge victory, and left Mountbatten as pretty much the most hated military figure in Canada.

He would go on to cup the Prince of Wales’ man breasts.

It’s comforting to know that your disastrous failure could at least show somebody smarter than you how to succeed. That’s exactly what happened here that clusterfuck of an invasion attempt gave the Allies precious info on how to handle an amphibious invasion in the future, particularly on D Day.

“We should have brought floaties.”

They now knew they’d need a large artillery barrage beforehand, paratroopers to land behind enemy lines and a far more flexible plan to account for conditions on the shore. It even led to the creation of a special tank just for D Day, after every tank that landed at Dieppe was destroyed.

After the war, many military commanders remarked at the importance of the Dieppe invasion toward the victory at D Day, with Winston Churchill himself saying that Dieppe was “an indispensable preliminary to full scale operations.”

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